how to ask for more (and get it)

the two facts that should change your mind

Here are two numbers that sit uncomfortably next to each other.

First: a Pew survey found that roughly 66% of workers who negotiated their starting salary got at least some of what they asked for, and a Fidelity survey put success even higher — around 85–87% once people actually counter. Asking works most of the time.

Second: more than half of candidates — about 55% — don't ask at all. They take the first offer, even though salary is the thing they say they care about most.

Put those together and the picture is stark: the single most reliable raise available to most people is a conversation they never have. Not because they'd lose if they asked — because the asking itself feels dangerous. It mostly isn't.

the fear, and why it's mostly wrong

The reason people don't ask is almost always the same: what if they pull the offer?

They rarely do. UCLA Anderson researchers studying thousands of job seekers found that the vast majority of negotiated offers — around 94% — stay exactly where they were or go up. An employer who has just spent weeks interviewing, chosen you, and sent an offer has enormous incentive to close the deal, not blow it up over a polite counter.

And a note specifically worth saying here, because the advice industry gets it wrong: the idea that women simply don't negotiate is a myth. Multiple studies, including work covered in reviews of the research, found women reported negotiating as often as men — sometimes more. The disparity shows up in results, not in the asking. Which is precisely why walking in prepared, with market data, matters so much: it's harder to wave away a number that's backed by evidence.

step 1: know your number before they do

You cannot negotiate a number you haven't researched. Walking in with "I feel like I deserve more" loses to walking in with "the market rate for this role in this city is X." Do the homework first.

• Levels.fyi, Glassdoor, Payscale, LinkedIn Salary — for real reported numbers by role, company, and location.
• The Bureau of Labor Statistics — for occupation-wide medians as a sanity check.
• People in your field. The single best source, and pay transparency is making it less taboo. Ask peers what a range looks like; many will tell you.

Note that some job postings list a range covering only the middle slice of what the role actually pays, so treat a posted band as a floor to investigate, not the ceiling. From your research, land on three numbers: your walk-away (the minimum you'd accept), your target (a well-supported market rate), and your ask (slightly above target, because you expect to meet in the middle).

step 2: don't say the first number

If you can avoid it, let them name a figure first. Whoever says the first number sets the anchor the whole conversation revolves around — and if you lowball yourself, you can't un-say it.

When asked "what are your salary expectations?" early on, it's completely legitimate to deflect: "I'd like to learn more about the role and its scope first — what range do you have budgeted for this position?" Often they'll tell you, and now you're negotiating against their number instead of exposing yours.

If genuinely pressed, give a range whose bottom is still a number you'd be happy with — because they'll hear the bottom. Ground it in your research: "based on market rates for this role, I'm targeting the low-to-mid nineties."

step 3: the actual script

The offer arrives. Here's the move, and it's shorter than you think.

1. Thank them and show enthusiasm. "Thank you so much — I'm really excited about this role and the team." You want to negotiate from warm, not adversarial.

2. Make the ask, anchored to evidence. "Based on my research into market rates for this role and the experience I'd bring, I was hoping we could get to $X. Is there flexibility on the base salary?"

3. Then stop talking. This is the hard part. Say your number and go quiet. Silence feels unbearable and it is doing work — resist the urge to fill it by talking yourself down. Let them respond.

And remember base salary isn't the only lever. If they truly can't move on it, a signing bonus, more equity, extra PTO, a title bump, or a guaranteed early review are all negotiable — and a title or a review date can be worth more than a few thousand dollars over time.

why one conversation echoes for decades

Here's the part that turns a slightly awkward five minutes into serious money.

Almost every future raise is calculated as a percentage of your current salary. So your starting number isn't just your starting number — it's the base that every raise, bonus, and employer 401(k) match compounds on top of, at this job and often the next one, since your next offer is frequently anchored to your last salary.

Start $5,000 low, and a decade of 3% annual raises quietly stacks that gap higher every single year. The five-minute conversation you skipped doesn't cost you $5,000 — it costs you $5,000 plus interest, compounding, for as long as you work.

This is also part of the machinery behind the pay gap. Pew Research Center finds women earn about 85 cents to a man's dollar overall, and Census Bureau data shows the full-time gap around 81 cents. Some of that is structural and beyond any one person's control — but the portion that comes from opening offers never questioned is the portion a prepared ask can close. Not your burden to fix the whole system. Just your money to go get.